The Avengers Texts
by Black Stars 23
Summary: The Avengers and their friends text each other! This is my first story, sooo... yea. The chapters get better as they go on. And Tony taught them how to hack into each other's texts, so that's how they can all text at the same time. Not meant to be taken seriously! Just for a few corly laughs.
1. Chapter 1

The Avengers texts.

Cast: Tony Stark/Iron Man  
Steve Rodgers/Captain America  
Thor Odinson  
Loki Laufeyson  
Bruce Banner/Hulk  
Jane Foster  
Darcy Lewis  
Pepper Potts  
Elizabeth (Betty) Ross  
Natasha (Nat) Romanoff/Black Widow  
Clint Barton/ Hawkeye

Steve: OH. MY. GOD.

Bruce: What is it this time?

Steve: Tony told Thor and I about this wonderful video on YouTube... It's called "The Duck Song"

Steve: I had no idea there could be such funny yet cute things in this world! Lol (which means "Lots of laughs" you know!)

Bruce: igufsxhfufydvvigudd

Steve: Was it something I said?

Bruce: HULK... NO... LIKE... DUCK... SONG... SO... ANNOYING...

Steve: I thought it was funny... "A duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man, running the stand, 'Hey!' bum bum bum,

Steve: And guess what he says?

Bruce: GRRRRRRRRRRRR...

Steve: "Got any grapes?"

Bruce: HULK SMASH COMPUTER

Tony: Hey, it's not THAT bad. I could've shown them "The bird is the word"

Bruce: NO TONY NO

Tony: The bbbird bird, bird, the bird is the word, the bbbird bird bird.

Bruce: HULK SMASH

Pepper: Tony! You idiot. Are you TRYING to get yourself killed? Or rather, "smashed"?

Tony: No...

Pepper: I'm calling Betty. She's the only one who can calm him.

Betty: I'm on it.

Thor: I THINK THE SONG SUNG BY A DUCK IS DESTRUCTION COMPARED TO MUSIC BY THE ONE CALLED ADELE, THOUGH IT'S ENTERTAINMENT IS NOTHING LIKE WE HAD ON ASGARD.

Darcy: Why do you text in all capitols?

Thor: IM A GOD

Darcy: Loki doesn't text in all caps.

Thor: WELL THAT'S BECAUSE- WAIT A MINUTE, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

Darcy: Uhhhh...

Tony: Busted.

Steve: You were fraternizing with the enemy!

Tony: Dude, I don't know what you guys said back in the 40's, but here in the 21st century, we don't generally use the word "fraternizing" in a text.

Steve: Well, we couldn't text back then, and what do you want me to say? You were associating or forming a friendship with someone especially when one is not supposed to?

Tony: Did you get that on ?

Steve: I got the app. :-D

Nat: That's not the point... The point is, Darce was texting Loki... We should not have that.

Darcy: Hey, I was only asking if he was going to the Evanescence concert 2nite.

Tony: Loki likes Evanescence?

Darcy: Yeah, I showed it to him.

Tony: :-0

Steve: :-0

Thor: :-0

Bruce: :-0

Nat: :-0

Darcy: I probably shouldn't have said that.

Nat: Ya think!

Tony: What happened, did Loki come over to your place and you guys listened to music and hung out? Were you ever going to share this with us?

Darcy: Ok, here's what happened:

Jane: Here we go again.

Darcy: ok, so I'm at Walmart. I see Loki buying some weapons. I was behind him in line, buying some CDs- Evanescence, Adele, P!nk, stuff like that.

Thor: I LOVE ADELE

Nat: We know, Thor. Continue Darcy.

Darcy: Loki picks up my Evanescence CD and asks if she's an frost giant or something, because she looks like one. I was like, no, she's just a goth singer. He seemed intrigued by this "Evil" "haunting" form of "pathetic mortal" music. I was like, you wanna listen to it, and he was like, yes, so after I paid I played "My immortal" on my IPod for him. He loved it, so I showed him "Bring me to life" "Haunted" and "Going under". Then he promptly took my CD and left.

Steve: Huh...

Tony: So you didn't tell him anything bout us?

Darcy: No, I just showed you our entire conversation.

Steve: I suppose that's ok...

Darcy: It is. I doubt he even knows I know you guys, otherwise he would've killed me.

Thor: THAT'S TRUE... HE'S ADOPTED.

Tony: Really? I had no idea.

Steve: Seriously? I thought it was kinda obvious.

Tony: Ever heard of a beautiful lil' thing called SARCASM?!

Nat: Ugh, I can't take this anymore. 'Night, all.

Pepper: I'm with ya, Nat. Goodnite.


	2. Day 2

Day two, 2 AM.

Tony: Um, Jane, ur gonna have to come to my place, like... Now.

Jane: C'mon Tony, it's 2 in the morning! Why would you possibly need me there?

Tony: ... It's Thor.

Jane: Oh, great. What'd u do?

Tony: Well, I thought it be fun to have an Avengers movie nite... Kinda like a "Dudes nite out" type of thing, since u and the girls r doing something next weekend.

Jane: Go on...

Tony: So me, Steve, Bruce, Clint and Thor were watching Titanic... And Thor started crying. Like, CRYING. Like, CURLED UP IN A BALL IN MY LIVING ROOM CRYING.

Jane: Ok, I get the point. I'll get him.

Tony: THANK YOU. He was driving me INSANE.

Loki: Pathetic weakling. I would never shed tears over ridiculous human nonsense.

Tony: Are you hacking into our texts?

Loki: Maybe...

Jane: Well, he IS the god of mischief.

Tony: Well, if you're so manly, how come you were crying over Bambi in your living room last nite?

Loki: WHAT?! Who told such a lie about me, the great king! How would anyone find out- i mean, say such a lie-

Tony: Thor caught you last nite. Geez, dude. I mean, Titanic is a true story, so that's kinda sad, I guess, but BAMBI?! An ANIMATED, DISNEY MOVIE about DEER?!

Jane: Sorry, but ?

Loki: I never did such a thing.

Tony: I'm sure you didn't pal, sure you didn't.

Tony: BAMBI?

Loki: I will kill Thor, you, TIN CAN, and anyone in my path!

Tony: You have some serious anger management issues. Talk to Bruce. He has some tips. TTYL Bambi Boy.

Loki: Youpatheticmortalwheni'mkingishallkillyouandlaughin yourfacewhenyoubegformercyan dallofyoufoolswhomockmeshall bowbeforeme!

Darcy: Dude. Chill. Listen to "My immortal". It'll calm you.

Thor: NO, BROTHER LISTEN TO THE ONE CALLED ADELE HER VOICE IS FIT FOR A GOD. SOMEONE LIKE YOU. SET FIRE TO THE RAIN.

Loki: I shall listen to no one you think is good. "These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much, the time cannot erase" This is what I felt EVERYDAY living in your shadow. The wounds won't go away.

Darcy: R u ok? You're awfully dramatic.

Tony: 2 AM can make anyone weird. Even gods. And super genius billionaires.


	3. Day 3 and 4

Day three, a poll company

Poll: Who're your fav singer?

Steve: From this year? Prob... I dunno. Tony'll show me some music. Get back 2 ya.

Tony: Muse or My Chemical Romance

Thor: ADELE

Loki: Evanescence

Bruce: Journey

Nat: Avril Lavigne and Joan Jett.

Tony: And Crack the Sky

Tony: And They might be Giants

Poll: Thank you.

Day 4

Pepper, Jane, Darcy, Nat, and Betty are having a GNO.

Tony: PEPPER

Tony: PEPPER

Tony: PEPPER

Tony: PEPPER

Pepper: WHAT! This better be important, cuz I am currently riding the Tower of Terror.

Tony: Stark industries is... A... Mess without you here.

Pepper: WHAT?! Did Loki come and destroy things?! Omg I gotta-

Tony: No...

Pepper: Then WHAT?!

Tony: Thor broke the popcorn machine... There's like, popcorn everywhere. Then to... Uh... Stop the commotion I showed "Shooting kittens with lasers" to Steve on YouTube, and he kept watching it OVER and OVER until Bruce hulked out cuz he hates that video, and then I started laughing cuz it looks funny when he hulks out, then Steve punched me and told me this was serious, so to become serious I turned on the T.V and watched a nature documentary (it's so boring, I become serious) Steve got his suit on and he and Thor tried to calm him down and stop him from destroying the place/killing people, but they could barely move cuz there's 4 ft of popcorn in the room and the machine's still going.

Pepper: I can't leave you alone for 5 min!

Tony: I'm sorry! Geez.

Pepper: So you want us to fly all the way from Florida to Stark Tower?

Tony: If that's ok with you

Pepper: It's not! We're supposed to leave on Saturday, can you wait until then?

Tony: By then we'll probably be drowned/suffocated in popcorn!

Pepper: Oh, fine. I'm bringing Betty, too. She'll calm Bruce. Be right there, I'll take your private jet.

Loki: Uh, no you won't.

Pepper: What?

Loki: You're not gonna be "right there". In fact, you're not gonna be right anywhere! You're never getting off that "Tower of Terror"

Tony: That's your evil plan? Trapping girls on the "Tower of Terror?"

Loki: I could make it explode.

Tony: I like the original plan better.

Loki: Good. Cuz you're never getting them out. I have a spell that makes the ride continue forever, and they're never getting off! ;-D

Tony: We'll be right there.

Tony: Dude! The ladies r trapped! We gotta head 2 florida!

Steve: Right now?

Tony: Yes, right now! Bruce can come the way he is. We won't have Black Widow, she's on the ride, but you and Hawkeye need 2 suit up, I already am.

Steve: U want me 2 text Bruce?

Tony: No, I got it. Just suit up!

Tony: HULK. GO. 2. DISNEY. FLORIDA. SAVE. GIRLS. TOWER. OF. TERROR.

Bruce: The other guy isn't here, anymore. When Steve stopped watching that ridiculous video, I calmed down. The girls r trapped on the Tower of Terror? Loki? Got it.

Tony: Yo, Legolas!

Hawkeye: Oh, never heard that one before.

Tony: What about Katniss? Can I call you Katniss?

Hawkeye: Oh, at least Legolas is a dude.

Tony: He's an elf prince.

Hawkeye: :-0

Tony: Omg, tomorrow we're watching "Lord of the Rings" and "The Hunger Games". Anyway, suit up and head 2 Florida.

Hawkeye: The gurls need us? Got it. Legolas out.

Tony: :-D

Loki: How did you do that so quickly?

Tony: Hulk smash.

Loki: Oh...

Tony: Dude, you need some friends. If you keep texting ur enemies, that's just sad.

Loki: I'm fine on my own.

Tony: What r u doing right now?

Loki: Watching "Cake boss"

Tony: If the highlight of your Friday night is watching "Cake Boss" in your living room, you are not fine on your own.

Loki: ...

Tony: If you're good, MAYBE you can join our movie night.

Loki: YES! I mean, perhaps.

Tony: You'll have to sign a waver. And a contract swearing you will not hurt any Avenger or friend of the Avengers.

Tony: Oh, and it's not just any contract. It's a contract from Asgard, so if you break it, you die.

Loki: Curse you, Tony Stark. You think of everything.

Tony: So, r u coming or not?

Loki: Fine.

So Steve, Tony, Thor, Loki, Bruce, Clint, Nat, Pepper, Jane, Darcy, and Betty had a movie night. They watched "Lord of the Rings" "The Hunger Games" (Loki really liked that the capital had so much power) "Harry Potter" (Thor was fascinated by the houses) "Pirates of the Caribbean" (Everyone said Jack was like Tony, Will was like Steve, and Davy Jones was like Loki) "The Spongebob Squarepants movie" (Steve thought it was hilarious) "The wizard of Oz" (Thor and Loki, having never heard of it, got really into it) and "The princess bride". They had a great time and decided to have a movie night every Friday. Note all those movies came from Tony Stark's movie collection.

See that little button down there that says review? If you review you get a hug from the Avenger of your choice! Tony, Steve, Thor, Bruce, Clint, or Loki! (Yes I know Loki's not an Avenger). Natasha would probably kill you if you tried to hug her, so she's not an option. You're welcome to try, though.


	4. Day 5

Day 5

Tony: Hey, Bruce?

Bruce: Yea?

Tony: Do u ever think Steve's a bit... Jealous?

Bruce: What makes u say that?

Tony: Well, the fact that we all have gurls and he... Doesn't.

Bruce: He used too. Peggy... Ur dad knew her. Until, the whole, u know, in-a-coma-4-70-years- thing. She's long gone now.

Tony: That's depressing.

Bruce: Way.

Tony: So u don't think he's jealous that I have Pepper and u have Betty and Thor has Jane and Clint has Nat?

Bruce: I dunno... He might be a bit... Lonely. I dunno if he'll ever fall in luv again.

Nat: Uh, guys... Slight problem.

Bruce: Oh no... What?

Nat: Thor and Jane and Clint and I were double-dating... And Steve saw... And he ran to his room. Clint investigated... He said he was close to crying and looking at a photo of Peggy.

Bruce: Oh no.

Tony: No kidding! YOU WERE DOUBLE DATING AND U DIDN'T INVITE US?!

Nat: I'm sorry! Geez. It wouldn't be double dating if u guys were here... I'td be, quadruple dating.

Tony: Coolio. ;)

Bruce: Guys! This is serious.

Clint: I agree.

Nat: What r we gonna do?

Tony: Get him a GF.

Clint: Ok...

Tony: He needs one. He's living in the past, he's shy, he's insecure.

Thor: WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AVENGERS SPEAKING ABOUT TODAY? :)

Tony: Steve.

Thor: SPEAKING OF THE GOOD CAPTAIN OF AMERICA, HE IS APPROACHING.

Clint: Oh no! What do we do?

Bruce: Pretend we've been...

Thor: HE IS WONDERING WHY WE ARE ALL TEXTING.

Tony: ... Singing One Direction lyrics!

Nat: Oh, no.

Clint: Steve wants proof...

Tony: You're insecure

Bruce: Dunno what 4

Thor: I DON'T KNOW THIS SONG.

Nat: You're turning heads when u walk through the door

Clint: Don't need makeup

Tony: To cover up

Bruce: Being the way that u r is enough

Nat: Everyone else in the room cam see it, Everyone else but u

Clint: BABY U LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE

Tony: THE WAY THAT U FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED

Bruce: BUT WHEN U SMILE AT THE GROUND IT AIN'T HARD TO TELL

Nat: U DON'T KNOW, OH OH!

Clint: U DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!

Tony: THAT'S WHAT MAKES U BEAUTIFUL!

Bruce: Steve is confused/creeped out by this.

Nat: I'm confused/creeped out by the fact that we all know the words to this song... I don't even like One Direction!

Bruce: It's a catchy song.

Tony: I hate 1D

Nat: What r u, a girl? What's up w/ the '1D'

Tony: It means One Direction. Typing one direction takes too long.

Bruce: I think Tony has One Direction Infection.

Tony: Noo! How do u know what that is?

Clint: Busted.

Nat: At least it's not Bieber Fever.

Tony, Clint, Bruce: EW!

Tony: Let's hook Steve up with Keira Knightly or something.

Bruce: Why Keira Knightly? Why not... Haley Atwell?

Nat: Good idea.

Tony: Yea... I witnessed Loki try to hook up with Jennifer Lopez the other day... It was quite funny. :-D

Clint: lol!

Nat: I'll set up the date. I'll be better, I'm a girl.

Bruce: Yea...

Tony: Wouldn't it suck if that song played during their date?

Bruce: That would be total bad luck.

Nat: Agree.

Clint: Ditto.

Tony: Can we do Nikki Manaji next time?

Bruce, Clint, Nat: ?

Tony: Stark ships were meant to fly...

Clint: It's STAR ships.

Tony: My version's better.

Tony: Hands up, and touch the sky

Tony: Let's take it one more time

Tony: Hands up, and touch the sky

Tony: ... I'm the only one doing this, aren't I.

Nat: Pretty much.

Tony: Thor'll do it with me.

Clint: No, he only likes Adele.

Tony: Crap. Ooh, i'll call Pepper!

Nat: I bet she'll be delighted.

Tony: Haha. She'll do it. She LOVES me.

Tony: Plz?

Pepper: No.

Tony: Plz plz plz?

Pepper: No!

Tony: PLEASE?!

Pepper: NO! Geez.

Tony: U suck.

Pepper: Guess who's paying 4 dinner...

Tony: I take it back!

Pepper: U suck. :) Luv u.

Tony: Luv U, 2.

Tony: Poor Steve. He doesn't get this.

Pepper: I'm sure he was capable of talking to his GF without getting into a fight every time.

Tony: It wouldn't be us if we didn't. :)

Pepper: Luv u, stupid.

Tony: Luv u more, stupider.

Pepper: This could go on 4ever.

Tony: That'd be fun.

Pepper: *Eye Roll*. 3

Tony: 3

If you don't review SHEILD knows where you live and they have a Hulk. I stole this from someone on here, I forgot who. Sorry, it was really good! Stalling won't change anything. Not stalling, threatening. LOL!


	5. Day 6

Wow! I'm so glad people like this! I didn't think it was that good, so thank you so much! I love all of you!

Day 6

Tony: This is a mass text: R u dead?

Steve: No!

Bruce: No.

Thor: WTH? NO

Loki: I wish u were.

Natasha: WTH! No!

Clint: WTC?

Pepper: No! R u drunk?

Darcy: Why? R u?

Jane: I hope not!

Betty: Last time I checked, no. Duh!

Tony: Had 2 ask. U never know. And Pepper, yes, I probably am. I can't remember 2:00 am-5:00 am- what happened?

Pepper: U ate the whole bag of popcorn, them fell asleep in the middle of the movie.

Tony: How did I wake up in my room?

Pepper: We were in your room.

Tony: I have a T.V in my room? Since when?

Pepper: Since u were 4

Tony: Oh, that t.v.

Loki: Who would be sad if I died?

Thor: I WOULD!

Tony: Ehh..

Bruce: I'm not saying anything.

Clint: God no

Nat: Nah

Steve: Um...

Loki: I will kill anyone who says no.

Loki: Oh, and those who were sad: ur pathetic. Those who were not: u'll pay. Those who said nothing: I am king speak 2 me.

Thor: YOU'RE NOT KING

Loki: I AM SO KING!

Tony: Plz don't start this again.

Loki: Fine.

Loki: But I am.

Bruce: Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Steve: If you keep doing it, Bruce is gonna Hulk out.

Tony: Do it do it do it!

Loki: I will do nothing Tony Stark tells me to do. I only do what I tell myself to do!

Tony: Ur really weird, did u know that?

Please review!


	6. Day 7

Day 7

Okay, I know you probably all hate me since I haven't updated in FOREVER, but today's ur lucky day! I'm updating all my stories and posting ten zillion new ones. Thanks for sticking with me for so long. LOVE U GUYS!

Loki: I love Justin Bieber! He's so amazing and talented and hot!

Tony: I'm not even gonna ask.

Thor: WHO IS THIS JUSTIN BIEBER?

Loki: I did not type that foolish, mortal comment! Someone hacked into my phone! No one steals from the stealer! I am the god of mischief and I shall not be bullied in such a manner!

Tony: As much as I wish I did it, I did not. Who dun it?

Steve: Not me. I barely can use this phone, nonetheless hack into another's.

Tony: True...

Bruce: Don't u think I have better things to do then hack into the GOM's phone?

Tony: Also true.

Natasha: How childish do you think I am?

Pepper: I'm too busy running YOUR COMPANY TONY!

Tony: Both r true

Tony: That leaves Clint...

Clint: ;)

Natasha: Clint! U did it and u didn't tell me?

Clint: I wanted to c everyones reaction.

Tony: Guilty as charged.

Clint: It was easy and hilarious!

Nat: Lol! Nice 1.

Tony: Ditto.

Loki: Curse u. I hate that pathetic mortal!

Thor: WHO IS HE?

Steve: Yea, who even is the guy?

Tony: Go on YouTube and look up "Justin Bieber singing Baby"

Thor: OH MY GODS! SHE IS AMAZING!

Steve: She has a great voice... What's so bad about her?

Tony: Oh my god. I'm laughing hysterically rite now.

Nat: He is. His room's down the hall from mine.

Bruce: Why r we always texting each other if we all live in Stark Tower?

Tony: I have no idea.

Tony: Oh yea: Cap, Thor, Justin Bieber is a guy. :-D

Steve: WHAT? That's a lie.

Clint: It's true. He's a dude.

Steve: OH MY GOD! Awkward...

Thor: I UNDERSTAND NOW.

Loki: Took ya long enough.

Tony: Who wants to watch Hunger Games?

Clint: ?

Tony: It just came out. Wanna c it?

Nat: Sure.

Tony: All of u people: Come 2 the movie room. That means u Capsicle, Goldylocks, Rage monster, Legolas, Spider Girl, and Reindeer games. Oh, and u 2, Pep.

Steve: We'll b there if u quit calling us those stupid nicknames.

Tony: :)


End file.
